Every blessing brings a challenge and every challenge a blessing.

Satan works hard on me. I've been told it's because he knows my potential, that I could be a great influence on many lives. I am part of God's army, I am an enemy to Satan and he wants to destroy me. He doesn't want me to share the gospel. 
The excitement of the mission faded. Doubt and fear have filled my soul. Thoughts creep into my mind. Feelings of inadequacy, fear, doubt, disbelief, anxiety, frustration, anger. Feelings I know are not of God. It's hard to shake off those feelings, it's hard to believe in yourself with so many things pulling you down. It's hard to move forward when you feel worthless and inadequate. 
Questions swim through my mind. How am I supposed to be a successful missionary if I can't even keep some of my best friends in the church? Am I worthy enough? Can I handle it? What about school and my family? What if I can't learn the language? What if no one likes me? What if I don't get along with my companions? What if... 
Temptations are 20x worse when preparing for a mission. Satan uses every fiery dart he can think of to throw at you. Preparing for my mission was a struggle. The mission papers process was a struggle. These bad feelings right before leaving is a struggle. When I practice teaching my lessons and I mess up or make a mistake it's hard to accept that it's normal. It makes me feel like I'm going to be a failure. I'm not good enough. I don't know the doctrine well enough to teach.

This quote and the kind, wise words of my father helped me get through those feelings. I have to trust that God will mold me into the missionary He needs for His purposes. It's not my mission, it's His. I will be a representative of Jesus Christ, I will not be the same Crystal Gutknecht I am today. I will be Sister Gutknecht, called and set apart as a full-time missionary. Christ's name on that black tag is the most important part. "Forget yourself and get to work." I must forget myself and remember Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are on my side. He will qualify me for the work.

*Blessings - It's always important to remember your blessings through times of trial.

#1 Getting out of my apartment lease. 

When I lived in Tally I had signed a 12 month lease. I was very worried about money because I was preparing to pay about $400/mo on the apartment, $400/mo for the mission, and $150/mo for health insurance. Almost $1,000 a month... The day after I got my mission call I received confirmation that I could get out of my lease with no extra expense. Thanks to my amazing roommate for finding ladies to take my place. She didn't have to do that, it was my responsibility. I am so grateful for her though.

#2 Good grades and the Dean's list.

I mentally checked out of school when I heard the mission age was lowered. It was so hard to stay focused in school when I just wanted to GOOO! I did my best under the circumstances and made 1 A and 3 A- and also had a high enough GPA to make the Dean's list. Pretty good if I do say so myself!

#3 Got a job.

Missions are expensive. I asked my old job if I could work in the concessions on show nights and they said yes. It wouldn't be much but better than nothing. But the Lord saw fit to bless me more than that. My friend I worked with told me the girl who took my place in the Box Office just happened to be out of town the whole month of January so I could take her hours. Perfect. Every little bit helps! And I get to work with my BFF Elise and spend time with her before I leave. :)

#4 My brother is home and safe. 

I worried about him a lot when I was away at school but things seem to be going a lot better with him. He's even coming back to church more frequently. It puts my mind at ease as I get ready to leave my family.

#5 Being able to stay in Orlando for a whole week to go to the temple more than once.

When I get my Endowments my dad was able to get a nice town house to stay in for a week at a reasonable price. It's important to go to the temple as much as possible because you learn more and more with each visit. I'm thankful I am blessed to stay there a whole week. A lot more than most people get.

#6 Sammy is coming too!

I made a pact with my best friend that I would see her go to the temple before my mission. It's happening! She's coming with me and will be doing baptisms for the first time. I am so excited for her and thankful to be able to witness her learning through the missionary lessons, getting baptized, and now going to the temple. It's truly a miracle and I can't express my gratitude for being blessed to witness it all in my best friend's life.

#7 Hayley is coming to my endowment session!

Going to the temple for the first time is a little frightening. But it's a lot better when I know my best friend is going to be there with me. :)

#8 Sister Richan is amazing and is going to pick me up from the airport in Salt Lake City. 

My mom will technically be my first companion but Sister Richan will be my second! I'm going to fly in a day early and we're going to tour around Salt Lake possibly with Sister Webb too! I am so excited. I've never been to SLC and I can't wait to see the temple! And be a missionary, with some of my RM best friends! It will be a great way to start my adventure, and ease my fears a little before the MTC. Sister Richan lives 10 mins from the MTC so I get to spend the night with her and she'll drop me off at the MTC on Wednesday. How cool is that?! :)))

#9 Teaching my lessons to a less active and nonmember.

Not a lot of future missionaries get the opportunity to practice teaching on real people. They usually practice on their member family and friends. Even in the MTC they are usually actors who are members. I'm learning a lot already, making mistakes but gaining experience. Awesome opportunity. 

#10 Teaching someone I didn't expect.

A guy I work with agreed to listen to my lessons. My friend Julie who also wants to serve a mission later is going to be my "companion" and Sammy will be a member friend. Gotta obey mission rules, sisters go in threes teaching a single male! ;p I hope this goes well!

The blessings always outweigh the struggles. I am so thankful for all of my blessings. God is too good to me when I don't feel I even deserve it. The least I could do is put my life on hold for a year and a half to serve Him and His children. I know He loves me more than I will ever understand. The only way I can show my love for Him and even slightly repay Him for the mercy and love he has shown me is to serve a mission and work as hard as I can every day while I'm gone.

-Hermana Gutknecht

Missionary work!

Pre-mission life

I first started thinking about serving a mission when I was just a Primary child. I didn't really like how a lot of the songs about missionaries were directed towards just young men because I was raised with 3 older brothers and knew I could do anything a boy could. I understand missionary work is a Priesthood obligation and only a choice for young women but I think people should focus a little more on the young women and encourage them to go if it's something they have even a slight interest in. At the least just help young women understand how to prepare, if they serve a mission then great, if they get married and start a family they will have an even stronger Gospel foundation to build their life on. Moral of the story... don't exclude young women from missionary preparation! :)

It became a little more real when I was in High School and became close to a lot of the missionaries who served around here. I worked side by side with them, introducing my friends to the gospel, learning from their teaching methods, and feeling the amazing spirit of true conversion. Usually people talk up missions a lot like they are fantastic and spiritual and always so amazing. It's important for prospective missionaries to understand that most days just aren't like that. Most days are difficult, tiring, filled with rejection, disappointments, heartaches, and trials. It would be a hard dose of reality if you don't understand both sides before going into the mission field. I am grateful I was able to work with the missionaries on a regular basis for years because I had the opportunity to see first hand the disappointments as well as the spiritual triumphs. I know that 100 disappointing days are worth just one day when someone feels the spirit, or understands something you teach them, or makes a commitment to read the Book of Mormon or to be baptized. That's why missionary work is called "work." It is hard work but worth everything when you find that person you know has been waiting for your testimony of Jesus Christ.

October 2012 General Conference changed my life, putting my dream in reach sooner than expected. When President Monson made the announcement that the age was lowered for missionary service I couldn't believe it. I immediately called my dad who was out of town yelling, "I can go on my mission! NOW! I wanna go! I wanna go!" He was shocked as well but a little weary to let me get too excited because he knew I had recently signed a 12 month lease with an apartment complex in Tallahassee as I was attending FSU. I knew it would be hard to leave so quickly without much notice but I wanted to GOOOO! I talked to an RM who had served here about leaving early and the issue with my lease and she told me, "This is the Lord's work, He will provide a way." I knew she was right and my dad agreed so he gave me the okay to call my bishop and start my papers. I called the next day between the two Sunday sessions of conference. My Bishop in Tallahassee 5th Ward said he was just waiting for me to call. :) 

When you make the final decision about serving a mission you receive blessings from Heavenly Father for your righteous choice. On the other hand, Satan is angry with you. He throws everything he can at you to try and make you fall and fail and give up. He knows if he can keep you from going he will destroy generations from hearing the gospel from you. The mission papers process was a struggle. Issues came up that I wasn't expecting to have to deal with and I did at some points want to give up. However, I have amazing friends and family who know how much this means to me and they had to carry me a little ways to get here. I am forever grateful for their love. 

After many roadblocks and struggle, my papers were finally in on November 27, 2012. Then came the waiting, the anticipation, the slight fear. On December 14, 2012 - a surprising week early - I received my call. California Carlsbad Mission, Spanish speaking. 

Now comes the packing and rushed preparation. Spending as much time as I can with loved ones, while working to save some money. I'm ready to start this new journey in my life but a little nervous and anxious about the unknown. 
In the words of Brad Paisley: I can't see this world unless I go outside my Southern Comfort Zone. :p

-Hermana Gutknecht

The Mission Call

At 4:18pm on December 14, 2012, my mom told me to go check the mail. It had only been 2 weeks since I turned in my mission papers and usually it takes 3 weeks to get the call. Even though I was doubtful it was there, I ran to the mailbox anyway. When I opened the mailbox I saw a few letters and then right there on the bottom, I saw it. That large white packet I have longed for all these years. It's finally here. It's finally my time. I grabbed it, running and screaming back to the house. My heart was racing, pounding. My whole body trembling. This is the moment I've been waiting for since Primary! When I got inside I screamed, "It's HERE! It's HERE!" I called my dad who was getting ready to come home from work. So that's another 30 min wait. He texted me saying the theft lock system on his truck was on so that's another 10 mins. It happened twice. Another 10 mins. 

Excitement. Nervous. Happiness. Thrill. Stomach churning. Heart racing. Blood pumping. Hands shaking. The wait was pure torture!

I called Sammy and KaLyn to come over and when they did they laughed at me for practically hugging the packet the whole time waiting for dad to come home. Then we had to wait to get Skype up for my brother. I was getting antsy and impatient at this point. I just wanted to know where in the world I was going! I held the answer in my hands but couldn't open it yet! It about killed me. 
Finally everything was ready. Family gathered, two best friends by my side, Hayley and my brother David on Skype, Megan on speakerphone from Orlando, cameras out... and GO TIME!

I ripped open the envelope while squealing like a little girl and started reading... California Carlsbad Mission... trying to comfort the tinge of disappointment I scanned down to language where it said "Spanish." Relief and excitement.

I think almost every prospective missionary crosses their fingers for a foreign mission. I was no different. I wanted to go to Germany where my ancestors are from, or Australia because it's just beautiful! After receiving my call and pondering about the area and missionary work I decided that if you want to travel, then travel later in life. The work is the same where ever you go and that's what the mission is all about, sharing the gospel - not traveling and sight-seeing. With my medical history I knew I wouldn't go foreign anyway. If I have to serve in the U.S. what cooler state than California? I'm happy with my assignment! 

I made a pact with Heavenly Father that if I had to stay in the states I wanted to at least learn another language. I had been praying for the gift of tongues months prior to the age lowering announcement. I was thrilled when I read that I would be preaching the gospel in the Spanish language. I know it will be difficult but I'm excited for the challenge! I'm thankful that Heavenly Father has given me this amazing opportunity and I know he will provide a way for me to be successful in it. 

As I continued reading about being a worthy representative of Christ and being obedient, the Spirit took over and tears ran down my face. I get to wear my Savior's name over my left shoulder every day for 18 months. Oh the happiness that wells in my heart!
I am so thankful for this moment in my life that I will never forget. Someone in California need me, needs my testimony. I pray that God will guide me to that person.

Dear Sister Gutknecht, 
You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the California Carlsbad Mission. It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 18 months. You should report to the Provo Missionary Training Center on Wednesday, February 27, 2013. You will prepare to preach the gospel in the Spanish language.

"Today many sisters are being called to serve. Many more are preparing to serve. Not because they aren't married or don't have anything else to do, but they have the desire to serve. One reason that the Lord wants more sisters to serve is because within the next generation He will send His priesthood army to earth. He wants to send choice spirit children to mothers who have been prepared, properly trained, and taught in the gospel. What better schooling can a mother have than the experience and growth she gains through serving a mission?" -President Gordon B. Hinckley

Don't I look happy? :)

-Hermana Gutknecht